Thank you to my friend Carrie Holst for pointing out this fun site.
The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator
you can speak about Art with both authority and confidence
How many times have you found yourself looking at (modern) art saying things like
"I'm experiencing delayed articulation at this juncture. The inability to disclose such verbiage escapes me!" -Brenda Boylan http://www.brendaboylan.com/
well no longer friends, thanks to The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator
http://www.pixmaven.com/phrase_generator.html 
Salvation is here! Feeling inarticulate? Critically gauche? Or just verbally impotent? The folks at Pixmaven have developed The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator so you need never again feel at a loss for pithy commentary or savvy "insights." With this device you can speak about Art with both authority and confidence. Use this marvellous tool to amaze and confound friends and colleagues. Don't miss this opportunity to menace and dumbfound professors and artists emeriti! The instructions are simple-- type any five digit number in the field, click 'Create,' and enjoy your ready-made Critical Response to the Art Product (or CRAP). Now you can produce CRAP critiques as easily and fluently as anyone in your MFA program! Please use this product responsibly.
What I created my first try,
this beautiful, ready-to-use specimen of Art Speak:
"With regard to the issue of content, the disjunctive perturbation of the spatial relationships brings within the realm of discourse the distinctive formal juxtapositions."
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